The last day and Sabbath of ten days of prayer found me struggling to get out of bed. Believe it or not at 9:15am I was still debating in my head whether or not I have the strength to make it to church for Sabbath worship. Needless to say, I had missed most of the prayer meetings for the whole of the ten days of prayer. I lacked the strength to make it to church. You see, I was in utter discouragement, despair and disillusionment. So in my mind I reasoned that God will hear my prayers that I make from wherever I am. However, two people told me I was one of the people they were praying for during the ten days of prayer. (God bless their souls) There could be many more people praying for me but I’m sure of these two and I strongly believe God heard and answered their petitions on my behalf.
I eventually made it to church today. Thanks to my parents, who were shocked that I (the only person who currently goes to church in the house) was still in bed at 9:15am. I thank God my mum came to my room a second time and offered to wait for me and drop me off at church. So I switched off my overthinking mind and went through the motions of getting ready for church as quickly as I could. By around 10:30am I was in church and I found myself a seat at the back to listen to the message for the day.
Fast forward, church was over and again I felt I did not have the strength or will power to stay on for the afternoon. So after shaking hands with a few of my friends who tried to convince me to stay, I made my way back home. I had decided that I would spend some quiet time praying alone, so I had told God to go ahead of me because my heart was really heavy. Now, I have a way of smiling with people and putting on a brave face even when I’m breaking down. But with God, as always, I have to be real. So as I was walking home, I called upon Him to meet me at our appointed place. And I believe He did come down for that one hour meeting.
I went into my room, shut the door, and by the time I opened that door to leave I was a different person. I can’t clearly explain what transpired in that span of time but I felt as though a dark cloud was lifted off my shoulders. I felt joy creep into my soul. For once after such a long time a genuine smile danced on my lips and happiness emanated from deep within my heart into the air. I’m sure if the walls had eyes, they would have smiled too for this was not the countenance they have been used to of late when I spend time alone.
I may not tell you of the conversation I had with God but as I prayed God shifted my perspective. God reminded me that I’m actually living my best life. Simply because my best life is the life that God has for me. My best life is to live right in the middle of God’s will and purpose for me. My best life is to pour out my life to God and to others in selfless ministry and service. I thought a little about my greatest desire which has been to serve God and I realized that right where I am, in the middle of the pain and the discouragement, I have a wonderful opportunity to praise and serve God. God reminded me that I have all the time to give back to Him in service. I have all the time to put into Encamp and watch God win souls to Himself. I have all the time I was praying for a while ago.
When I got up from my knees I had hope. Hope for Encamp. Hope in life. Hope that God’s will in my life would be carried out. Heretofore my fears had been the bills that need to be paid, the ends that need to meet, the needs I have and the state of my health. But God, like a father with His daughter gently looked me in the eye and reminded me who He is and whose I am. I pictured the love my earthly father has for me and I multiplied it. The result was peace and love and joy. God reminded me that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. So what is my mere bills to Him? What are my little minute problems to Him? In a nutshell, in those minutes I learnt to take the focus away from my problems and fix it on Jesus. I learnt to take the focus away from myself and fix it on Jesus. And that, my friends, made all the difference.
Psalms 34:8 O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.