Over the course of the past few days I’ve really been struggling and grappling with doubt, unbelief and guilt. You see I was the person who saw the sinfulness of other people’s sins and the wrongs other people did. Unbeknown to me I was caught up in the very same sins I was vehemently condemning and warning my friends against.  I was entangled in sins that I cherished and I regarded iniquity in my heart. My thoughts, imaginations and actions are wicked yet I condemn the very same things in others. To make it worse I have the responsibility of sharing about God’s faithfulness on this platform called Encamp. Yet here I am, living a life of sin and rebelling against God.

On Sunday I listened to a sermon that really got me thinking. As I went on my knees to pray I realized that I too, like my friends needed a savior. I needed help from outside myself. I too had entertained sins that I need not have. I too was wicked and evil. I too was inclined to sin just like anybody else. I needed to watch and be sober. I realized that I did not see the exceeding sinfulness of sin. I did not loathe sin. I did not hate wickedness.  I did not have Gods view and perspective of sin.

Upon that realization, I really struggled. My faith in Christ was shaken and I wondered if at all there was any hope for me. I had preached and taught so much hope for sinners, yet here I was. Seemingly there was no hope for me. I was lost, depraved, wounded and in despair. However, the little glimmer of hope I had been trying to share with others now shone in my heart. The little light dispelled a little of the fear I had and I decided to fully turn to God. I resolved in my heart to give up the sins that I cherished. I resolved to walk in the light as a child of the Light. I purposed to depart from my ways of darkness now that I could see the light.

In doing that I was led to talk to a man of God and I was encouraged that nothing can separate me from the love of God. My struggle has always been forgiving myself accompanied by feelings of guilt that never seem to fade away even with the passing of time. He reminded me that guilt is from the enemy and the greatest sin is unbelief.  Guilt and unbelief were the very two things that had been weighing down upon my heart for the better part of the beginning of this week.

I talked to another friend and she too encouraged me in the Lord and gave me practical tips on how to walk the narrow way with regards to my struggles. I felt as though a heavy burden was lifted off my shoulders and I learnt of the abundant grace of God that is mighty to save from the gutter most to the uttermost. Hope revived in my heart and I turned to the Spirit of Prophecy for words of encouragement to make this hope blossom and thrive.

Out of all that I read, I was most encouraged by the fact that repentance is a gift of God. Upon being awakened to my sins, I thought that perhaps I needed to work myself up to the point of repentance. I actually tried to but it was ineffective. Perhaps I needed to clean myself up before going to Christ. That too did not work out. I learnt that only God could produce godly sorrow for sin and help me turn away from it. It is the virtue that goes forth from Christ that leads to genuine repentance.

Like David I prayed:

Create in me a clean heart, O God;

And renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from Thy presence;

And take not Thy Holy Spirit from me.

Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation;

Friends, I may not know what you are struggling with this week. I may not know what sins you cherish and find hard to leave at the foot of the cross. But this one thing I know. God is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all our unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Allow me to end with this quote from the book steps to Christ.

The conditions of obtaining mercy of God are simple and just and reasonable. The Lord does not require us to do some grievous thing in order that we may have the forgiveness of sin. We need not make long and wearisome pilgrimages, or perform painful penances, to commend our souls to the God of heaven or to expiate our transgression; but he that confesses and forsakes his sin shall have mercy. {SC 37.2}

PS: It is now possible to subscribe to this blog to receive new posts directly to your email. Kindly subscribe to receive the latest news from Encamp. Blessed week ahead.


  • Sege August 28, 2019

    Wonderful Testimony

    • Edna August 28, 2019

      Thanks Sege Dennis.

  • Moses Orina August 28, 2019

    The soul that acknowledges its sinfulness and wretchedness is the very soul on the right tangent to heaven. God bless you.

    • Edna August 29, 2019

      Amen. God bless you too Moses.

  • Sally August 29, 2019

    Wow? Thank you Edna once Again for your ministry ? I’m so blessed by your thoughts and sharing. May the Lord keep you encouraged to keep sharing. God bless you.

    • Edna August 29, 2019

      Thanks for reading Sally and for your feedback. I'm glad you have been blessed by my thoughts. God bless you too.

  • Benson Nyanoti August 29, 2019

    God is ever ready to forgive us. He forgave us while we were yet sinners by having Christ die in our stead to pay our debt of sin.

    • Edna August 30, 2019

      That is very true Benson. Thanks for reading and for your comment.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *